My God Love Story #momlife

Where to begin on such a personal story? I've always grown up in a christain home. My mom taught Sunday school, took us to church, helped with VBS, and taught us to pray. However, when I was 10 my father committeed suicide. This event shook me to my core, and my faith. I was upset and mad at God for allowing this to happen. I blamed God because I felt the only other option was to blame myself (which I was still doing anyway). I felt rejected and along (how ironic that God was feeling rejected by me). A few years later while attending a large church I was visiting I recommitted my life to Christ. I began praying again and more importantly I began reading the bible. I was part of FCA (Fellowship of Christian Athletes) at our school and community youth groups formed by the local churches. I was meeting life long friends that share my values (a huge part of my life today is still having amazing Christian friends in my life who I can talk to about changing churches when you get married, how to dicipline your child in a faith based environment, and how to pray for your husband). I was also going to conferences and being pushed out of my comfort zone by having to share my faith and try to win some over for Jesus. 

As I left the comforts of my home town and church to attend college I was fortune that God put some great friends in my life (three of whom are still best friends). He also put a couple great churches in my new town. However, life and the world tend to get us off track. We start to worry about worldly things like school (reasoning that we don't have time to read our bible because we need to read for class) and finding a future husband. I tried different campus groups with my friends; Christain Campus House, Navigators, Baptist Student Union, and finally Christian Crusaders known as Cru. It was wonderful to have a place we could meet more Christians, pray together, and praise God. Sadly, I also thought it would be a great place to meet a husband. With incorrect intentions came painful consequences. Getting off track is one thing, you can't go back and change it, but I praise God that he continued to put me back on His track (with the help of some strong friendships and family).

However, when you do meet the man God has made for you (I met mine through a family member, not church) it is pretty amazing. I love that one of my husband's first things he told me about himself was his faith. As we got engaged we talked to his (now our) pastor. I was blessed with an extended family that all went to church together, prayed together, and (one of my favorite traditions) reads the birth of Christ out of the family bible at Christmas. Having a husband who prays with you is awesome!

Having a husband who prays with your daughter brings tears to my eyes. God blessed my husband and me with a little girl right away. She has deepened my faith in God (I sometimes wonder how anyone can be a parent without God). I've had the privilege of raising her and directing her towards God. And with this job comes many prayers for myself (am I doing this right?!).

This year has added a new, big piece to my love story with God. My husband and I were excited to have our second baby. However, 17 weeks pregnant, we found out that our baby's heart had stopped. I delivered our son and our hearts hurt. There is nothing I've experienced like the ache of empty arms. Our family could have easily been bitter, we could have cursed God, and walked away. Praise God. He is good, all the time. We have used this turning point in our lives to cling to God (I don't see how you couldn't). We have found the silver linings. Our baby never felt an ounce of pain, he never suffered, he is in heaven with our God and loved ones, and most importantly (to this momma anyway) is that I will get to see him again and spend eternity with him. Now I just have to continue my walk with The Lord and raise my children so that they too chase after God's heart. Because my goal in life isn't just to see my son and spend eternity with him, but for my daughter to meet her brother so that my whole family can spend eternity together.

Throughout our loss we have had amazing Christians share their pain, support, encouragement, and prayers. We too feel like God is going to use us to direct people to him. Yes, it's still outside my comfort zone, but I'm willing to pray 'use me Lord, show me where you want me, tell me how'. Because everyone deserves a love story with God.