1)
“You have an unlimited budget for lingerie,” my husband told me as I headed out for a much overdue shopping trip. I jokingly told my friend this, and she took it seriously. She proceeded to pick out a few things, according to her, “I could pull off.” After I got home, I tried them on, looked in the mirror at my mommy body and returned them the next day. I know my husband would have enjoyed them no matter what the mirror said, but after the price tag sunk in, I couldn’t bring myself to spend that kind of money. On my husband’s new suits for work, on clothes for my kids, on something for the house, perhaps, but not on something for me. Not on something frivolous. Not on something no one would see.
In the mothering years surrounding that day, my wardrobe suffered seriously. After thinking I was going to be pregnant, being pregnant, not pregnant, really pregnant, maybe pregnant, just pregnant and all those stages in between, I couldn’t bring myself to spend money on clothes for myself or for my changing body.
After my last pregnancy and losing the baby weight, I realized I was going to be THIS size for a long time. Suddenly I had the freedom to buy items that would be for more than one season. I realized I didn’t know what to do with that freedom.
The shopping trip with my friend revealed more about myself than I wanted to admit. I don’t think I’m worth it. My husband had even given me a thumbs-up to spend money on something for myself (ahem … and for him) and I couldn’t do it. Granted, I handle the bills and the budget and keep a close reign on every dollar coming in and going out. But he was sending me a deeper message, “You are worth it.” To him, it was worth giving up something else for me.
How many times do I not think I’m worth it? As moms, we sacrifice many parts of ourselves for our families. As honorable as that is, we have worth too! I’m learning to splurge on little things for myself. Now I get quite a few comments about a new shirt or cute necklace these days. I joke I lived in frump for 10 years; it’s time to break free! I’m still pretty frugal, but I hear my husband’s voice in my head occasionally telling me I’m worth it when I hesitate to buy something pretty, just for me, just because.
Heather Smith enjoys the seasons southeast Michigan has to offer, where she lives with her husband and children, Caleb (11), Rebecca (9) and Luke (4). She has attended Trinity MOPS of Clinton township for 10 years and held various leadership positions.
2)
“I don’t know who I am anymore!” I wailed to my confused husband and slumped into a pile of tears. I was Dave’s wife and Abbie’s mom; somehow my own identity had become lost. Over the next few months, I set out on a quest to find myself. In the process, I learned four keys to discovering and celebrating my individuality once again.
1. Free to be me!
I discovered accepting who I had become, imperfections included, unlocked the mystery of my identity. I needed to embrace and even celebrate my individuality. In each of us dwells a reflection of the Creator. Embracing our uniqueness produces the freedom to leave insecurity behind and forge ahead into new territories and celebrate who we have become.2. Do something!
I recently attended a painting class. I hadn’t touched a canvas since eighth grade. Feeling intimidated, I convinced two of my friends to join my wild adventure. The results were unsophisticated, but we found joy in our accomplishment. We even snuck into our church to hang our masterpieces in the coffee bar, proudly displaying our freedom to try. In this small, seemingly insignificant act, I discovered something inside me I didn’t know existed. I learned to pursue what I love. Redesign the living room, write a story or solve a difficult math equation; do what moves you.3. Time is ticking away!
I have learned to make appointments with myself and keep them. Put away the mommy guilt! It is not selfish to take time to be a better wife and mom. I will go mad if I don’t take a time out from my family. And to be honest, I will never have the time to do the things I love unless I take the time and make them happen. Work, laundry, meals and soccer will fill my planner, if I allow them to do so.4. Just say no!
My encouragement: say no once in a while. We love to please others, sometimes to the detriment of our own sanity. Learning to say no has given me the freedom to say yes to the things I love to do and are a reflection of who I am. I know I don’t mix well with the nursery crowd. Although I disappointed the nursery coordinator by saying no to her, I freed myself to serve with the worship team instead.Being a mom didn’t hide my identity; it was still there. I just needed to give myself permission to embrace who I had become and take time to pursue what I loved to do. I find joy in being me and look forward to each new adventure with anticipation.
Amy is a former MOPS Volunteer Staff and group Coordinator. In addition to being a wife and mom of three (ages from 5-15; hello! student driver), she also teaches English Language Arts at an alternative high school in Wyoming and is passionate about offering her students hope and opportunities to succeed.
I have had a lot of fear recently about money, when you quit your job to grow your family and instead you find yourself paying medical bills, paying for extra placenta and blood tests for you and a lost baby, paying for grave plots, and starting back at square one with less time to save up because you didn't think you would be starting over with doctors appointments again for another two or three years if at all...you stress about the money part of growing your family.
I've also been catching myself stressing about time. I quit my job so that I'd have more time with my child(ren). I started working for my husband so that he'd have more time with our child(ren) and for all of us to have more family time. However, it seems like that is less and less of a reality.
So this is all going to come together as a nice realization where everything was fixed and I'm not stressed any more, right? Wrong. This time I don't have the answers.
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