1. How are you hiding the pain of your loss? I think that I 'hide' by continuing on until I reach a breaking point.
How have you felt disconnected? I have felt a bit lost. Mostly by feeling like I can't plan, but I've found some relief on relying in God and following his lead.
Where are you in your grief and where would you like to be in a year? I feel like I'm at acceptance and I hope to not back slide in the coming time.
Are you ready now to take a few steps forward in grieving your child? Yes
2. Identify the emotional debris, uprooted expectations, or damaged relationships from your loss in need of being repaired. After loosing Murphy my expectations fell flat on their face, I felt like it shouldn't have quit my job or that maybe I shouldn't have more kids and couldn't handle it. I had to repair that by focusing on Wendy and realizing that God must have really needed another of my children to be born for His plan. Relationships went through some wreckage as well. Brett and I have atteneded counceling, and I've learned who some friends are!
3. How have you responded to others who have what you lost? At moments it is hard, but I have tried to be joyful with them.
What would you like others to do or say to you? Remember my baby.
4. How have others minimized your loss? How does that make you feel? Why do you feel others responded that way? People have said "At least you have Wendy" or "There will be others". It breaks my heart because this was my first son, he will not be replaced. I think others think they are helping by acting like it's not a big deal.
What could others say that would validate your loss? When people talk about how God is holding my and I will see him again, this reassures me that they understand his was my baby.
5. Are you too busy? Make a list of your roles and the activities associated with each role in a typical week. Is time alone with God on your list? I'm a mom: clean the house (dust, vacuum, pick up), do laundry, do dishes, cook meals, pay bills, take care of our daughter, buy gifts, wrap presents, send thank yous, plan birthdays, drive, set up appointments. I'm a wife: I work for my husband in the office and support him in the field by bringing him meals. Time alone with God should be my first priority and being a Christian my top role.
Do you feel as if you've been avoiding facing your hurt? Why or why not? Why do you think it is so difficult for you to be still? I don't think I'm avoiding my hurt, I may put it on delay until I can be alone and process it by myself.
Where is your "foxhole of faith," the physical place you go to "be still" with God? If you don't have a place, where could you go? I do not have a foxhole. I want to start going to the bonus room and cozy up by the window for my time to "be still". Maybe enjoy a little fire and hot coco.
Are there other who can help you face reality and share your load? Who are they? My husband, my mom, my family in general, and they do!
6. Recall the first time after you lost your child when you realized you had "empty arms." What emotions did you encounter? It rattled me when Wendy patted my belly and said "baby" after we lost Murphy, when I would see people due the same time as me, as they had their babies.
Some women who lost children said that "aching arms" was a common occurrence for them and holding something helped ease the pain. What could you hold? I've held my daughter and I've held her beloved Truman a lot like a baby.
Jesus was innocent, yet willingly suffered and died. How does His example give you hope? That hopefully through my suffering God is working in me for a greater good.
7. In what specific ways are you having difficulty coping with life? I've had a hard time staying on top of things like keeping the house clean, remembering things, planning, and being my happy self.
What steps can you take to seek help? I've talked to a councilor, trying to have time to myself to reflect.
Whom do you know who could brighten your path and help you journey through the dark night of your soul? God, my husband, my daughter, my mom, and my family and close friends.
4. How have others minimized your loss? How does that make you feel? Why do you feel others responded that way? People have said "At least you have Wendy" or "There will be others". It breaks my heart because this was my first son, he will not be replaced. I think others think they are helping by acting like it's not a big deal.
What could others say that would validate your loss? When people talk about how God is holding my and I will see him again, this reassures me that they understand his was my baby.
5. Are you too busy? Make a list of your roles and the activities associated with each role in a typical week. Is time alone with God on your list? I'm a mom: clean the house (dust, vacuum, pick up), do laundry, do dishes, cook meals, pay bills, take care of our daughter, buy gifts, wrap presents, send thank yous, plan birthdays, drive, set up appointments. I'm a wife: I work for my husband in the office and support him in the field by bringing him meals. Time alone with God should be my first priority and being a Christian my top role.
Do you feel as if you've been avoiding facing your hurt? Why or why not? Why do you think it is so difficult for you to be still? I don't think I'm avoiding my hurt, I may put it on delay until I can be alone and process it by myself.
Where is your "foxhole of faith," the physical place you go to "be still" with God? If you don't have a place, where could you go? I do not have a foxhole. I want to start going to the bonus room and cozy up by the window for my time to "be still". Maybe enjoy a little fire and hot coco.
Are there other who can help you face reality and share your load? Who are they? My husband, my mom, my family in general, and they do!
6. Recall the first time after you lost your child when you realized you had "empty arms." What emotions did you encounter? It rattled me when Wendy patted my belly and said "baby" after we lost Murphy, when I would see people due the same time as me, as they had their babies.
Some women who lost children said that "aching arms" was a common occurrence for them and holding something helped ease the pain. What could you hold? I've held my daughter and I've held her beloved Truman a lot like a baby.
Jesus was innocent, yet willingly suffered and died. How does His example give you hope? That hopefully through my suffering God is working in me for a greater good.
7. In what specific ways are you having difficulty coping with life? I've had a hard time staying on top of things like keeping the house clean, remembering things, planning, and being my happy self.
What steps can you take to seek help? I've talked to a councilor, trying to have time to myself to reflect.
Whom do you know who could brighten your path and help you journey through the dark night of your soul? God, my husband, my daughter, my mom, and my family and close friends.
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