Returning to life, a new 'normal'

Thursday, I've been having to keep myself busy. Yesterday I cleaned. Today I'm going to run errands with my sister and mom. Lauren will be playing with Wendy until Brett can come home.

Friday, TJ and Nichole are coming to spend the weekend with us.

Saturday, Bryce and Ashley brought us breakfast and we spent the morning together. The afternoon was filled with talking, eating, chasing Wendy, nap time, cleaning, swimming, and getting dinner ready.

Sunday, we had a vow renewal. What an interesting time for this. A time when 'for better or for worst' finds you at your worst. A time when you wonder how you're even doing as 'a wife' because you've been spending so much time and energy being a mom that you haven't even had time to be you and grieve let alone check in on wife status. A time  when you look at your own body as something that let you down, stabbed you in the back, betrayed you...and wonder how anyone else couldn't but see the same thing when they see it. A time when you think your marriage is so strong, but you feel so weak, tired, empty. The good news is that even though marriage is hard (second hardest thing I've done, first is parenting in which I do with my partner) when God is involved you can be weak because you can rely in His strength. You can learn to be patient because God is patient with you. It was so nice to be reminded of these thinks and say 'I did, I do, I always will' with some family and friends there, especially Wendy and Murphy.

Monday, I think these are the days that are the hardest. The days that it's jut me and Wendy at home. A lot of time to think, for my mind to wonder. I want to busy myself by cleaning the entire house, but I've been pushing myself too far too fast physically. My body is trying to heal.