Grieving Child Part III

15. How do you feel when you picture Jesus in a rocking chair holding your child? Holding you? It gives me peace that passes understanding.
What songs have soothed your soul in your grief journey? Praise and worship songs, but I can't remember the titles or singers.
16. Have you been sensitive to people or situations? If so, how? I've been sensitive when around pregnant women or babies, when parents act like their children are an unwanted burden, when my spouse or parents minimize the pain of losing my child.
Is there anyone you need to forgive? Who? I have one friend that was absent during our grief, that never even said "I'm sorry for your loss." I wrote this person out of my life because of their selfishness and it's hard for me to forgive them.17. Do you blame anyone for your loss or for hurting you through your experience of loss? I don't blame anyone 'for' my loss, but there have been people who were absent during our loss or said the wrong thing.
How do Jesus' words "Father forgive them for they do not know what they are doing" encourage you to do the same? Yes, some people don't know how to handle this kind of situation because they've never experienced it. Unfortunately, it's something that most people don't understand to the full degree unless they have gone through it.
18. How do you feel guilty or blame yourself for the loss of your child? I do feel guilt, I think mostly because it was my body that held my baby for his entire life.
Have you forgiven yourself? If not, maybe it's time to share your feelings with God. I think I have, I know that there was nothing I could have done to save Murphy from God's plan.
19. Forgiving yourself and others seems natural, but forgiving God? How does that concept make you feel? I feel like I should get mad at God, but forgiving God may not mean I was mad at Him, but instead just let down.
Do you at times feel as if God let you down? In what ways? Tell Him. I feel like I've always questioned myself as a mother and when I finally was brave enough to walk away from my job and add to our family God threw my plan out the window. With my plans went my confidence, my first son, my husband's first son, years of my life, money, and my trust. I have forgiven God because I know his plan is greater than mine and that everything happens for a reason. Obviously there is a child that is too important to not be born and this is God's way of bringing that child to us.
20. Do you most enjoy giving gifts or receiving them? Why? Receiving. I don't feel like I am very good at giving gifts.
Is it easier for you to give forgiveness or receive it? Why? Neither. I have a hard time holding grudges and it's hard for me to forgive myself, let along accept it from others.
Think about God's gift of forgiveness wrapped up under the tree of eternal life. What draws you to open it? What makes you reluctant to accept it? I'm drawn to open it because it is such a wonderful gift, but I'm reluctant to accept it because I feel like I need to earn it in order to deserve it.
From whom do you need to ask for the gift of forgiveness? Probably more people than I realize, but for sure from my husband, Wendy, God, and Murphy.
21. How has loss changed you? Loss had taken my ability to have a relaxed pregnancy. It has also helped me live more for today, introduced me to some wonderful people, and shown me what God wants me to do with my life.
What new insights has God shown you about yourself? He has shown me a new direction for my life that I never thought was my mission.
Who do you say that you are? How can you express that to others? I am a mother. I am involved in MOPS and Mommies and Me.
You will always be a child of God regardless of the changes in your life. How does that make you feel? How does your experience of loss give you new opportunities to share your identity in Him with others? Being a child of God has been my saving grace! My loss helps shade another light on the love we receive from our Lord.
22. What specific situation or person has God used to meet you in your grief? What did you learn? Why was this encounter meaningful? God has put a few people organizations in my life to help me learn a how new world.
If you could honor or celebrate the child you never knew, what would you do? How could you include your circle of family or friends? I want to celebrate Murphy's short life every June by gathering with loved ones at the cemetery.