One Year Later...

This time last year I was trying to figure out how to say good-bye to one of my best friends, my Grams. Even though it's been a year I don't think I've figured it out yet.
It was a bittersweet moment when I graduated because my Grams had always attended every one of my scholastic achievements. She went to plays, track meets, volleyball games, FCCLA award nights, NHS induction, parades, and concerts. As I was putting on my cap and gown with my best friend, Ashley, it hit me that this wasn't right...I needed her there. Lucky for me Ashley was there to calm my fears and let me know that she was there. My Grams was a faithful believer, a great Christian woman, who influenced me greatly. I knew that she would be in heaven watching this moment, like she would be if she would have been here on earth.
As the months continued it was hard when I had moments my Grams didn't know about while she was here. When Brett and I found out we were expecting I knew Grams was making good on her last conversation with my mom. During their last conversation my Grams asked mom if she wanted her to send down girl grandbabies or boy grandbabies. My mom said that she wanted one of each, a boy like Grandpa and a girl like Grams. This is what makes me think that this little one is a girl.
When my dad had his last County Government Day the American Legion Auxillary ladies remembered to fill a piece of Grams shoes by making him a plain ham sandwich. It made him so happy that they remembered how much she cared about him. He also ran into one of Grams friends. He (as a proud Grandpa does) shared that I was expecting, and asked 'you knew Shelby, right?' She answered with 'of course, if you knew Gloria, you knew Shelby.' I loved being her shadow.
Mom, Lexi, and I each share our own special moments with Grams and we share a lot of the same memories as well. Lexi was so close to both Grams and Grandpa, we even tease her saying she was their child because she's so much like them. Mom and Grams were best friends. The first thing mom did every day was call Grams, she was the first person she shared all her exciting news with. I remember Grams saying how sad it made her when she would read in the paper that a person died with no remaining relatives. She said, "I don't know how anyone wouldn't be so sad without children, my children were my greatest joy." That is one thing my mom took after Grams, she's a fantastic mom and now my mom is about to be a fantastic Grams. I know if this is a little girl, she will be her Grams' shadow. And if for some reason Grams decided to send me the boy like Grandpa...well, we'll have words about that someday. :)
But as life goes on there is one thing that I've realized...Grams will never be gone. She truely lives on in each of us...she's the dramatic gasp from my mom while I'm driving, she shines out of Lexi the way she loves her garden, she's there with every birthday card my mom writes, she's there with every scotteroo I eat. She's there, and she'll be waiting for when (maybe for the first time) we catch up to her.