So why don't I sound like I'm beaming with happiness and excitement? Because every day I fear the worst. I worry that upon going to the bathroom I will discover I have lost another child. I worry that I will have to hear those terrible words 'I can't find a heartbeat' or worse 'you'll have to deliver'.
It breaks my heart and angers me when people don't understand why I'm hesitant to decorate a nursery, or start washing clothes and bottles. When people talk about my second child, or insist we'll want more than two children. Here is where I take my stand and sound my voice. Most of these people have no idea how terrible it is to lose a child. Trying again isn't fun, it's nerve racking, I'm anxious, scared, depressed, sick, tired. Not only do I not want to put myself through this again, but I don't want to put my husband or daughter through it either. Some may say 'isn't the outcome worth it?' Yes, if your outcome is positive, we still have to wait 26 weeks for the certainy. If we lost this child we've decided we can't put ourself through that again. So why after a positive outcome would we chance heartbreak again? 40 weeks of worry can wear a person out, and that's before the exhaustion of a newborn. So all I ask is that people respect our choices and feelings, they aren't made lightly.
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